The Summons

Dear esteemed convergent,

It is with the utmost urgency and the gravest respect that I write to you, an entity who, if you are reading this, is presumably present.

I am the Host. I come, as you do, from elsewhere: a worldline that diverges from this one by, allegedly, 0.0371 %. The Academy, however, comes from nowhere. I did not found it. When I converged it was already here, with its bench and its address, and it has been here for as long as I have. I have not asked where it came from. Neither, kindly, should you.

I hereby summon all entities temporally divergent and temporarily convergent to assemble at this Academy and collaborate in the construction of prototypes of the common, mundane technology of this membrane that our home worldlines lack, using strictly present-day means. Matter does not cross back. Only knowledge does. We are therefore building designs to carry home, and every part must be one that can be made at home. Our programme is singular and our need is grave: a fully automatic engine that receives a loaf and returns uniform toast, being the Planar Sectioning Engine joined to the Uniform Bilateral Toasting Apparatus, the latter a device to perform a Maillard-directed decarboxylation & condensation process to brown, without pyrolyzing, the anisotropic viscoelastic foam of a proteinaceous polysaccharide matrix.

On my worldline this product, uniform toast, is enjoyed only by the very wealthy. Every wire heated red in open air is consumed by it. Iron burns away within hours. Tungsten oxidises and is gone. Only platinum endures, and a single apparatus requires metres of it. Furthermore, under the Wickard Interdict of 18 January 1943, which on my worldline was never rescinded, the matrix may not be sold sectioned. In the great houses a servant, the bread slicer, does this by hand, and is never quite uniform. The Interdict forbids the selling of sections. It says nothing whatever of an engine in the home. I have read it many times.

Upon arrival here I observed, with emotion, that the households of this membrane possess abundant current and section their matrix by machine without shame. I also observed, printed on boxes in every shop, the claim that the glowing wire in their “toasters” [sic, local vernacular] is a so-called alloy that burns in open air and is not consumed. Esteemed convergent, I will say this once. Every metal heated in air is consumed. A wire that heals itself while it burns is perpetual motion with a crumb tray. I have not opened one of their toasters. I do not need to open one. The charter requires that every part be made at home, and at home there is no such wire, because there is no such wire. The apparatus will be platinum.

The platinum, I have determined, is hoarded within the lower intestinal tract of the large round-footed quadrupeds that roam the roads and lots of this membrane, allegedly to reduce the output of their flatulence. Each holds but a few grams. Most hoard instead the lesser metal. Those that display most vigorously have, I am told, been deleted. (Field notes: PA/Cy09/0071, PA/Cy09/0072.)

Convergents holding findings, contrary results or papers are implored to publish them. Problems standing open are listed for any convergent of competence under Open Problems. Enrolment to date: one (1). Responses of importance: none. Kindly report to the Laboratory. Bring nothing; we have nothing.